Be Like the Buffalo

When a storm is upon them, buffalo run right through it and come out the other side of it, while cattle run from it, thus having the storm chase after them. They tend to stay in the storm, while the buffalo are soaking up the sun on the other side of it.

I heard this metaphor to facing our problems from another woman who'd experienced infidelity in her marriage, which is the storm currently bearing down on me. My husband of nearly ten years turned to another woman when things got difficult in our marriage. To say I was crushed is an understatement. I felt like I was coming apart from the inside out. I got angry. I sobbed until I was dehydrated. I turned to friends and poured my heart out to them. I withdrew. I prayed. I journaled. I did much self-reflection through the guidance of my therapist. I lashed out at my husband until he withdrew and moved out. He couldn't face what he'd done to me. He blamed everyone but himself. 

I am still running through the storm. I have more good days than bad now. I'm feeling stronger and no longer pray for death. Yes, the pain was so intense that I prayed God would take me away from it all. As someone who's always loved life, I get sad just writing that.

I now see that he is wounded inside and did something that caused further damage to himself and to me, as well as our relationship. We are both using this separation for individual healing. I am unable to think about the future at the moment, as it gives me anxiety, so I continue running through this storm. I will eventually come out of it and into the sunshine again. My hope for him is that he will charge through it as well and stop running from it as the cattle do.