Time After Time

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One of the many things that I hate about ending relationships is losing the songs that go with them. I've always associated songs with different periods of my life. Certain music from the '80s can transport me right back to my military days. I often hear songs from the '70s that remind me of the carefree days of playing Barbies with my sister. I can actually see us on the patio with our Barbie campers on the picnic table, our two favorite Barbies having the pretend time of their lives, planning dates with Ken, cooking meals to share, and dressing in stylish outfits.

With music being so important in my life, it stands to reason that I associate songs, particularly romantic ones, with relationships. So what happens when the relationship ends? I can't stand to hear those songs anymore, which is almost as sad (sometimes even sadder) than letting go of the person I was in the relationship with.

At the moment, I can't listen to Cyndi Lauper and I've always loved her. "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun." Damnit, how could he ruin that song for me? Do guys even like that song? I guess they do. Why should a song about girls having fun only belong to girls? And forget about "Time After Time." It was Randy's break-up song on "My Name is Earl," something we watched together. I refuse to have a break-up song. It's bad enough having relationship songs.

I made the mistake of telling my last boyfriend that I loved that song "Little Jeannie" by Elton John, as it reminded me of happy times in my childhood. So he bought me the record. Yes I said record. I realize that I'm dating myself by admitting that I still listen to records but there's something so romantic about listening to a song and hearing the faint scratch of the needle spinning the record. And just because he bought me a record doesn't mean that I had my last relationship twenty years ago. God knows where he found the record. Amazon, I think. I had just purchased a Crosley radio/record player/tape player and was enjoying listening to my many old 45s and 33s.

Fortunately, just as time heals all wounds, so too can it bring those songs back to me without the negative feelings stirring within me. "Little Jeannie" is still in my record player. Perhaps one day I'll be able to hear it and think of my childhood again, instead of the incredibly sweet gesture of a now ex-boyfriend. Or perhaps I'll just remember it as an incredibly sweet gesture of a now ex-boyfriend and not feel sad about it.

A New Frequency

Ever have one of those moments when you're going about your day, doing some mindless task or even at work, when suddenly a low humming starts in your ears? You can still hear what's going on around you but suddenly you feel as though you've switched to another frequency. I get those sometimes and, now that I realize I'm not about to have a seizure, I thoroughly enjoy them. There's a feeling of peace that washes over me. Everything that's going on around me suddenly takes a back seat and I'm reminded of those carefree moments as a child, when I wasn't plagued with so many thoughts. When I didn't worry about what the mirror reflected back to me. When I grew out of pants simply because I was growing up and not out. When I didn't worry about bills or troubled relationships or how my yard is quickly growing into a jungle.






Geneen Roth sums it up quite well in Women Food And God: "Can you remember a time, perhaps when you were very young, when life as it was--just the fact that it was early morning or any old day in summer--was enough? When you were enough--not because of what you looked like or what you did, but just because everything was the way it was. Nothing was wrong. When you were sad, you cried and then it was over. You were back to a fundamental feeling of positivity, of goodness just because you were alive. What if you could live that way now?"






What if? I find myself craving that simplicity often.






I begin this blog as I start my journey to find that centered peacefulness that comes with the humming. I'm at the start of a new health regimen and just ended an unhealthy relationship. Writing my thoughts out has always been therapeutic for me so even if no one reads this blog, it will serve its purpose. Readers would be nice though. I could use some support at the moment.